mali

host
hosto
hostess...

nasa utak lang ba ng tao ang masama...pede kaya na ang mga bagay na tunog masama e di talaga masama...baket ba kaylangang meron pang masama??mabuti??tama?mali

siguro kasi things are better this way...better live in an imperfect place para macamouflage ung pagiging imperfect ng mga tao dito...

and i dont think perfection would be best for all...kasi whats teh point of living when you dont have to work to improve yourself to perfection kasi you're aready perfect...kuso...kuso talaga no...

endangered spicies

tama ba ang spelling??
wala lang..
bored kasi..
bye

di na mahal

di ka ba mapakawalan kasi ikaw lang ung meron...o hindi ka matanggap kasi may iba akong gusto para sa sarili ko...
katangahan bang hayaan kang mawala habang hindi ko pa alam ang sagot....
kung paghihintayin ka ba, pagbibigyan kaya??

null

how can i measure the wrongness of the wrong..
when all i can do is stare down on your memory...

that is fading now...

i tried to comprehend the incomprehensible...
believing that im smart enough..

but i proved myself wrong...

i sought to love you and you knew it...

we were once on that same line that we both crossed...

we were caught in the same trap..that i thought we could soon get over with...
but it seems like i am wrong again..

i miss

miss
-way to address a woman, a girl or a lady..

miss
meaning...you failed to see it, do it and whatsoever for some reason...

miss
meaning...something is missing...gone...and you can feel that painful longing to have again...

even once...
kahit minsan lang...
kahit isang chance lang....


kaya siguro may angel na ginive up ang wings nya for the girl he loves...only to find out that death would soon take her away..pero wala parin syang regret...


walang regret...

ang daming maling bagay na ginawa ko sa sarili po di parin ako nagsisisi...o siguro kamangmangan nga to...pero nagsisi rin pala ko sa iba...o nanghinayang lang kasi pakiramdam ko if ever na bigyan man ako ng chance na maiulit ulit ung mga baga na un...gagawin ko parin ung ginawa ko dati...hindi dahil sa walang choice..kundi dahil sa un ung choice ko....

nalulungkot ako....

may namimiss ako na di ko alam...
namimiss ba na nawawala?? o namimiss na hinahanap hanap...

sana marinig pa kita ulit,,,

bakit ba hindi ko mapin point kung ano....

nalulungkot talaga ko...

kayalangan naman kasi talaga ng babae ng man's image sa buhay nila...
in the same way as guys needed a woman's image in their life...

nalulungkot talaga ko...

pag pauli ulit ko bang sinabi na nalulungkot ako mawawala ba ung lungkot??

hindi secure

hindi secure

insecure.
okay. they all want to go to philippines now...maybe they enjoy having filipina girls(or boys too) around...wait till they see the other four..they are prettier...and well, they smell better...

well its not that their strenght could diminish mine, but i guess they are absolutely capable of overshadowing me in all aspects.

my chichi went here...i tried treating him like before but in some ways, i guess, the cold treatment i gave him before was not yet forgotten somehow...

i havent even had the chance to say thank you...

this is just so sad...

i'll be going back to the philippines tomorrow if everything will turn out well. for six months, things did change a lot. glaza is now married to ernesto.
nephil now have grace as his girlfriend. and jef, whom i thought would always be in love with shara is now steady with joana.

what else...
my cousin Kristine who's a few years younger than me is now pregnant. and also my other cousin who wasnt even married was now pregnant too.
my tita had now managed to buy her own car.

what about me??did anything change...
its like waking up from a dream. from a fairytale..and now im going back to the real world(if things will turn up well).

what happened to me for the past 6 months??did anything change.

i learned how to ride a bike.
i think, my nihongo skills had somehow improved too.
i realized that i'm not actually an introvert contrary to what i've been claiming eversince.
i realized that maybe God put kat on my way to push me to do better so as not to be left behind. and maybe He put me on her way so as to make her come out of her shell a bit..see, her social skills i guess had somehow improved. but that, i couldnt actually tell.

insatiable

sinubukan kong tuntunin ang mali pero di ko parin masagot ang palaisipan....

ibusin ko man ang isip at oras ko para maintindihan lahat lahat nahihirapan parin ako...

para talaga akong walang utak...

pag may nangyayaring nakakalungkot natural lang na malungkot ka..pero pag nalungkot ka pag may nangyayayaring masaya, di ba parang abnormal ka na non....

hai...sana nakakapagsulat pa ko sa friendster...at least don may chance na pumansin sa sinusulat mo tas malaman ng mga tao iniisip mo lalo na ung di mo masabi kasi di kaylangan tas ala namang nagtatanong.....

pag di kaya takot ang tao ano kayang kaya nyang gawin....

tae...

pag nag aral ka ng science malalaman mong ang dami pa palang pedeng gawin ng tao akala nya lang di nya kaya....

bakit ba kasi kaylangan bigyan ng limit ang sarili kahit wala naman talaga...

isang minuto

balang araw matututunan ko rin na hindi ako pinanganak sa mundo para humanap lang ng love life!!!!!

messiah

"only secure people can serve"

security...that's what i needed right now...what's worse??a person whose so afraid to dying or a person whose so afraid that he wish to die instead...pathetic...

i hate this feeling...i am so afraid...

i used to fear ghost, darkness, pain, blood and all those stuffs that normal people could sometimes be afraid of...but i'm no longer afraid of them now, i guess...

i hate senseless fear...and the term "senseless" depends on who's talking...i never consider my old fears senseless---so long as a thing is normal, it will never be ...

a hate abnormality in as much as is hate conventionalism though they can be the same sometimes,,,,see, am i making sense at all???

masaya

"your confidence should come from within, not from without....
from the quality of your hearts and not from the quantity of things you have"

siguro same is true for happiness...it must come from within...it mustnt be dependent on 'things' and--yeah, people too...

"kung ang kaligayahan mo nakadepende sa ginagawa ng ibang tao, may malaki kang problema"

ang hirap talagang maging masaya...

sabi ni ryan, when things are bad daw, maybe, there's something good to look forward to...

hai...normal lang to....nalulungkot talaga ang mga tao minsan.......

dugo

may dugong tumutulo somewhere in the other side of my brain...or should it be brains??

it leaked.
i leaked all of me in my blog---well, its not all of me but portions of me, though...
sayang lang, i've got to make it unpublished...but on the brighter side, i dont actually got to delete it all the way naman...

ok...self evaluation..
nagsisisi ba ko???di naman...sana lang di alam nung major cast ng kwento kasi pag nagkataon...i'm dead.

help

i hate this..
she`s there..i saw her in the other side of the room...she`s the last thing i want to see..and i dont want to be wiith her in the least...i hate this...
i real messiah hates nothing and is free to move whichever way he wants to move...
i wish i`m　a messiah though....
i`m scared...
is it his voice??
are they together??
this is crazy...
see, i shouted like an idiot a few days ago saying "ok, i give up now." but why am i like this now??what`s with the resistance??come on..i thought you would let go now...
i wish i could..
i dont need a company for now...i need aloneness in as much as i need to go back to the place where i left my bike in the rain uncovered...

i`m scared...i dont want to...i want to let go now and let things be...

yesterday, i`ve written something in my pc...and it tells things about my self evaluation...
i`ve been addicted with love or falling i love.. i crave for the real thing to happen to me, and yet it never did... but i realize that maybe i`m actually longing for someone to love me..i think i grew up to the concept that in order for me to fall in love, someone must love me first? is it actually like this??i dont know...

im tired...i guess the journey failed yet again...i wish i can get myself out of here...of this illusion...in believing to this stupidity i`ve been imprisoning myself eversince i`ve heard of it...

i dont want to believe in　it anymore..i want to let it go now and let things be...

dont get me wrong...i believe in love...but i dont think it is how i see it..
i`ve been walking in streets for all my life believing that love would just pop out or fall down from heaven like it did in movies and books--i dont think it would...

im tired,,,
i dont think iwant to carry on believing..
i dont want to sound pathetically hopeless..but maybe i do, because i actually am,,,