new post posted

haw!!doing fine?? not feeling well now...its my illness again..what's the problem na naman kaya this time?siguro dahil two days akong hindi nakatulog ng maayos.. but luckily, i managed to sleep last night..thanks to the long walk i had(mula bhaws hnggang sm then pabalik...grava!!)..
i think i need to see the doctor soon..sooner..

lately, may mga bagay na naman akong narealize...i guess i've met another fearful person this time..i used to be like her...or sigula i still am.. tas, ayun nga..the way i see things, sa tingin ko, she's letting her fears hold her back...but who am i to judge her??

may mga taong natatakot kahit walang dapat ikatakot.. noong normal pa ko hinayaan ko ring pigilan ako ang takot ko...not realizing na may mga bagay pala na pwedeng mawala at pag wala na may mga bagay ka ng hindi pwedeng gawin..or hindi nga ba??o kinukunsinti mo lang ulet yung takot mo..

sana maging maayos parin lahat...sa tingin ko i'm blessed parin..i may have lost something dahil sa illness ko but i've gain lots of realizations in life.. nanghihinayang din ako sa mga time na nasayang.. sa mga times na ok pa ko na dapat sana ini spend ko sa mga bagay na mas worthy..

but i cannot go through life feeling bitter and---nanghihinayang???-- on what i've lost and on what's not there... kaylangan maging thankful about everything..

hai buhay...

kitakits..soon...we're on the same universe... walang imposible..

oh please....

i only i can beg for a solution to my problems, perhaps things will easily be sorted... tama, other people's strength do not diminish your value...pero natatakot parin ako...natatakot talaga ko.. minsan parang gusto ko nalang takasan to... i thought i was/am tough and strong...kala ko talaga kaya ko na...pero eto na naman.. nag aalangan na naman ako...baka di ko kayanin...

hay..please lord... siguro nga may plans ka kung bakit kaylangan mangyari lahat... siguro nga po lahat ng tao may mga krus na kaylangang dalhin... siguro nga God, may maganda kang reason... opo...kaylangan ko paring mabuhay sa kabila ng lahat... sa kahit ano man po ang meron.. God, gusto ko parin itake yung risk kahit hindi madali.. maari nga pong hindi nila ako magustuhan... pero kahit pano may chance din naman na magustuhan din nila 'ko... at siguro God, yung maliit na chance na yon ang panghahawakan ko...

cracked***??!@**

i am hunted by this feeling again..the feeling of being sorry for being me...i just hate this feeling and i would nevr ever want it to appear again if only i can help it..
we all do have our own light, right? and yet other people's light could sometimes overshadow ours..and that's when we feel unworthy of anything..
i am too old to have an identity crisis..i know what i am now..or at least, i guess i do..

i thought i've already learned how to be optimistic..i thought i could now easily go on with my life..i thought i was ready to face it...but it seems like i was/am wrong again...

hindi talaga madali.. minsan naiisip kong magpakalayu layo nalang at mabuhay sa sarili ko..siguro pag ganon hindi na ko makakaperwisyo ng iba...

nakakainis lang kasi hindi pwedeng hintayin ko munang maging maayos ang lahat bago ko mabuhay kasi buhay na ko ngayon at umaandar ang buhay habang naghihintay ako...sa hindi ko alam...

tama.. hindi talaga madali... nakakalungkot na ang ibang tao nabubuhay ng normal...ikaw hindi..

nakakainis pag may mali sayo kahit hindi mo naman gusto..

ang totoo, sa tingin ko, ok lang sakin ang ijudge ako ng iba..masakit mahumiliate pero i learned to handle humiliation because im so much used to them... ang hindi ko lang matanggap kasi alam kong i'm so much more than this... im so much better than this person na nakikita ng mga tao..

naiinis ako for being sick..naiiinis ako kasi this sickness is holding me back to let other people see my light...
naiinis ako dahil nanghihinayang ako... nanghihinayang ako kasi hindi nila ko nakilala.. hindi ako nakikilala ng mga tao... hindi nila ko narinig.. hindi ko sila narinig... nakita nila ako--yung tip ng ice berg pero hindi nila nakita yung portion below..

oh...life... buhay...

not getting any younger..

i'm 22 turning 23...ang layo na ng teenage years ko..but i'm glad that i'm through with schoolworks na.. pero hindi rin pala.. i'm having japanese lessons..sa company.. sa ngayon, i'm not doing well parin.. hindi ko kasi nagagawa mga homework ko..how are you naman kasi! 5 hours na nga lang tulog ko, iispend ko pa ba yon sa assignments.. basta, babawi nalang ako...
hai.. saturday boredom.. i'm suppose to memorize hiragana characters..sangkaterba sila..pero eto ko... blogging..

ang weird talaga.. feeling ko wala akong pangarap sa buhay...minsan naiinis din ako dahil hindi ako naging competitive.. siguro dahil don kaya wala akong masyadong nararating...pero naisip ko lang na wala naman akong dapat i prove..i may not be competitive but it doesn't make me an incompetent kahit na ganon ako...or katwiran ba 'to ng tamad at takot na iextend ang sarili nya sa kanyang fullest potential? ayoko nang ikatwiran ang mga personal baggages ko.. hindi sila lang ang pipigil saken na gawin ang gusto ko.. kaya lang ang tough ng kalaban ko---sarili ko din...
tama, sabi ni nelson mandela, "your playing small doesn't serve the world" at "there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you." tama, siguro nga it's every one's duty to be great..but what is greatness ba?? para saken kasi it is excelling in the field that you enjoy doing most.. as for my case, its hard to find out kung ano ba yung field na yon..for a person with an inorganized mind like mine.. ang hirap magdecide..
dahilan na naman.. ayoko na.. gusto ko nang maging responsableng tao.. got to move now...

an affair with a DOM

when will your inexistence cease?
when will you be real?

i've always long to feel you in my skin
so long as others too can see you
so long as others too can too can know you're true

'till when will you leave the story land
to where you're from
and be with me in this real world
on where i built my fantasies

my fantasies of you and i together
my fantasies of having you near me
of you loving me..
adoring me...
as no other man could ever do

wrap your hands around mine
as they shiver with your presence

hold me close in your arms
and cease the trembling movement of my shoulders....

...with you around i knew no danger...
...with you around i care for no woes...

allow me to embrace this moment
when only you and i alone exists
allow me to invent this scene
though only through my dreams i can make it real..

early riser

pag wala kang magawa isulat mo lang kahit anong naiisip mo...

nagigising ka na cinderella?? ang sama ng naiisip ko ngayon...wehehe..pero syempre, hindi ko ipapahamak ang sarili ko..'got to be careful... but on the other hand..siguro dapat bigyan ko rin yung sarili ko ng chance...na...alam mo na... to know him better.. to know if nasa sa tama pa ba akong pag iisip to let my head run like this...

i know i shouldn't be in a hurry..and well, i'm not... pero kasi, hindi ko talaga maiwasang isipin na baka it's my turn na this time... pero sige na nga.. hat will come will come, and what will not will not..

conscious writer writing something

s o m e t h i n g . . .

sets, settings, set ups

eto ang buhay..
can't help asking what ifs... what if im as ok as anyone else?..what if im as normal as i used too?
am i bitter about this? no. sa tingin ko hindi. i'm glad that things are running smoothly parin sa kabila ng lahat.. siguro makakaya ko rin to..
kahit papano gusto ko parin maging normal at magshine ulet..masaya din naman ako.. i'm blessed parin kasi may mga tao paring naiwan to be with me khet my problema..
siguro nga my darating..kung meron nga sana magamit ko ang utak no para ijudge kung yun na nga yon..