another soul somewhere in the universe

funny how one must end something that has never really started...

my parents said thier peice about him. on what they thought of him, and i guess they were right. i've been a certified maldita and matigas ulo type daughter. but despite of that, may parents' opinion still matters to me. in fact, it matters so much..

well, i guess i've known long before but i keep on denying it even to myself. i made myself believe na he's a fine guy..

we've been happy together..sa kanya ko kasi nafeel yung---joy?? yung feeling pa parang happy at contented even with a simple exchange of words lang.. sya kasi yung nakita yung dark sides ko pero nandyan parin.. nakakita na ng better girls pero nasakin parin...or siguro it has something to do with us being friends...

naisip ko noon na neglecting him is a bad thing to do kasi naisip ko na baka kaya ko ayaw sa kanya kasi alam kong hindi sya mawawala... bad thing kasi baka kaya ko ginagawa yon dahil tinuturing ko syang last resort pag wala na talagang iba..

pero pano kung ayaw ko talaga sa kanya??

na baka kaya hindi ako makabitaw sa alaala nya kasi sya lang ang meron ako.. sya lang ang nakakita ng disgusting side ko pero nagstay parin..na baka natatakot lang ako na no one else will accept me like he did...

but he can never be brave enough... he had always been immature..and he's getting worse..

ito ba yung love??or am i obliging myself to love him kasi baka wala ng ibang tulad nya or wala ng ibang dumating?? but if he can't be brave enough to face me, how can he be brave enough to love me? oo, siguro nga, hindi ko sya binigyan ng chance..

tama, may kasalan ako..may kasalanan din sya.. and maybe fate had made its move for us not to be together.. and it actually doesn't feel right.. the idea of us--together..
akala ko kilala sya ng hypothalamus ko..pero parang hindi?? or dahil ba 'to sa distance na naghiwalay saming dalawa..

naguguluhan ako.. one moment maiisip ko sya and mag wowondering if naiisip nya ba 'ko..tapos another moment iba na naman ang maiisip ko...

tama..kung hindi pwede hindi nga siguro pwede.. at kung hindi ka masaya sa isang bagay hindi dapat pilitin ang sarili...