past hurts could heal soon..

but for me..its sooner..

i learned not to harbor hatred at any cause..

perhaps..people that are usually the subject of cruelty could instinctively learn not to be one..

a good thng right??

who knows--this might've brought me to heaven..

or might not...

its never really that hard..

i used atbash..
you dont have to be a genius to solve it..

its all in your finger tips..

divine sadness

solitude brought about sadness..but not the type that you wouldnt want to have.. that kind of sadness that carries some light..a soul in itself.. i dont know... me and my girl friends share the same dreams..(exclude my bestfriend on the list--she's a little eccentric, you know)...and fears... shara texted the last time..she asked me about 'him' and on what's going on between us..i told her that he never texted except for the time when we left the hospital.
a few more people asked me about him aside from shara..it made me wonder why it has to happen now..now that we've parted..now that i am already living a new life without any thought of him---and i think he too is going the same way...
i dont know..i feel like they all know that we're through even before we actually started..its like they've known all along and i was the only idiot within the circle who doesnt even know anything!!i wish to hate him for that--but i dont..
i still remember him..but i dont remember anything else..its hard to let go of his memory but it feels idiotic to cling on to it when you now that its no longer real now...
sad..yes..but not as it seem..

when faced with humiliation, the prospect of dying could sometimes be more appealing. but not now...not now..
being sick made me brave afterall.

jane said, "nagkakaron lang ng maganda pag may kinukumparahan".. and as for me(and i strongly believe na she,too, will agree),it can be applied to everything else..so why feel bitter..
i've read a nice blog a few moments ago..wasnt as nice as yang's blog in friendster, but her english there was outstanding..and her words were mostly within the sphere of bestfriend's own belief. no wonder they jive well. the author of the blog happens to be one of my most admired people. i still regret it knowing that i've been with her for four years and yet i wasnt able to come close enough to see through her.. i should've learned a lot from her..we should've been exchanging ideas about good books, life and anthing else..
the absence of those people that i considered great made me forget that im not yet good enough and that i have so much more to learn.for the last six years i grew complacent.i thought im good..but no, not yet...and maybe my life time would not be enough to train me to be good..

sigh...i live like im not really alive.. been missing the flame that once reside within me..now it is nowhere to be found...

RN ORPRMT NB YLLS

try get this..a little secret,..

-..
.
.-.
..-.

easy???

in the sea..
under the dusk sky..
sitting beside you on the shore
barely noticing anything else..
except
the sea..
the sky..
the shore..
and us...
just us..

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

funny how love stories stick in the mind..or maybe it was my love for stories in general that made me feel like this...

i still wish to write some time..though it seems that i've left my old love in exchange for something else..but what was that?? do you know??

one thing that i ask
and hope you will know
for my day to be complete
i needed your glimpse

--mjd

when title dont count

the prospect of leaving is unimaginable...

back to black

relizations dawned to me these past few days.. i may be sick, but i am not dumb.. not terribly sick so i dont have to remain in bed for the rest of my life.. im lucky, i know.. i guess, it just have something to do with what you believe in and on how you see life..

the doctor said, i might be needing to undergo an operation..knowing the old me, i should be terrified by now..but, i'm not.. knowing what's wrong made it feel right, unlike those times when i don't even have an idea on what's wrong with me. its like fighting an invisible opponent. im still scared though..scared..just scared, no longer troubled..
but then..i.. and the doctor too.. may be wrong...

untitled 4

" keep going, dont give up, be proud of who you are and never feel sorry for yourself."

"you have to go out and reach for things in life and not just sit around"

-jeanne,(trws)

untitled 3

"my personal philosophy on the matter(dying) is, 'no complaints,baby, no surrender', i wasnt quitting.i could get better, so i would"

"maybe i have an incurable disease, but i dont have to be a permanent invalid"

"you can feel well no matter what's wrong with you. i think that's the only way to leave."

"i figure, if things have been bad, that means you have somethings to look forward to."

" will anyone ever come close enough to fall in love with me?'

-ryan(trws)

untitled 2

"i dont want blindness to be the reason why i dont climb. i dont want blindness to be the reason why i stay in the room listening to the fun"
-blindman(kmjs)

untitled 1

"you cannot stop being who you are just because you're afraid"
-carrie(satc)