di na mahal

di ka ba mapakawalan kasi ikaw lang ung meron...o hindi ka matanggap kasi may iba akong gusto para sa sarili ko...
katangahan bang hayaan kang mawala habang hindi ko pa alam ang sagot....
kung paghihintayin ka ba, pagbibigyan kaya??

null

how can i measure the wrongness of the wrong..
when all i can do is stare down on your memory...

that is fading now...

i tried to comprehend the incomprehensible...
believing that im smart enough..

but i proved myself wrong...

i sought to love you and you knew it...

we were once on that same line that we both crossed...

we were caught in the same trap..that i thought we could soon get over with...
but it seems like i am wrong again..

i miss

miss
-way to address a woman, a girl or a lady..

miss
meaning...you failed to see it, do it and whatsoever for some reason...

miss
meaning...something is missing...gone...and you can feel that painful longing to have again...

even once...
kahit minsan lang...
kahit isang chance lang....


kaya siguro may angel na ginive up ang wings nya for the girl he loves...only to find out that death would soon take her away..pero wala parin syang regret...


walang regret...

ang daming maling bagay na ginawa ko sa sarili po di parin ako nagsisisi...o siguro kamangmangan nga to...pero nagsisi rin pala ko sa iba...o nanghinayang lang kasi pakiramdam ko if ever na bigyan man ako ng chance na maiulit ulit ung mga baga na un...gagawin ko parin ung ginawa ko dati...hindi dahil sa walang choice..kundi dahil sa un ung choice ko....

nalulungkot ako....

may namimiss ako na di ko alam...
namimiss ba na nawawala?? o namimiss na hinahanap hanap...

sana marinig pa kita ulit,,,

bakit ba hindi ko mapin point kung ano....

nalulungkot talaga ko...

kayalangan naman kasi talaga ng babae ng man's image sa buhay nila...
in the same way as guys needed a woman's image in their life...

nalulungkot talaga ko...

pag pauli ulit ko bang sinabi na nalulungkot ako mawawala ba ung lungkot??

hindi secure

hindi secure

insecure.
okay. they all want to go to philippines now...maybe they enjoy having filipina girls(or boys too) around...wait till they see the other four..they are prettier...and well, they smell better...

well its not that their strenght could diminish mine, but i guess they are absolutely capable of overshadowing me in all aspects.

my chichi went here...i tried treating him like before but in some ways, i guess, the cold treatment i gave him before was not yet forgotten somehow...

i havent even had the chance to say thank you...

this is just so sad...

i'll be going back to the philippines tomorrow if everything will turn out well. for six months, things did change a lot. glaza is now married to ernesto.
nephil now have grace as his girlfriend. and jef, whom i thought would always be in love with shara is now steady with joana.

what else...
my cousin Kristine who's a few years younger than me is now pregnant. and also my other cousin who wasnt even married was now pregnant too.
my tita had now managed to buy her own car.

what about me??did anything change...
its like waking up from a dream. from a fairytale..and now im going back to the real world(if things will turn up well).

what happened to me for the past 6 months??did anything change.

i learned how to ride a bike.
i think, my nihongo skills had somehow improved too.
i realized that i'm not actually an introvert contrary to what i've been claiming eversince.
i realized that maybe God put kat on my way to push me to do better so as not to be left behind. and maybe He put me on her way so as to make her come out of her shell a bit..see, her social skills i guess had somehow improved. but that, i couldnt actually tell.